Metabolic Finishers Chaos

The alarm goes off at 5:48AM (your alarm, not mine – mine went off at 4:30… wuss).   You debate whether to hit snooze for the third time or whether to get up and fix that cup of coffee.  Coffee it is.  You mosey down the stairs in slow-motion fashion.

As you drink your coffee and put on your workout clothes, you imagine yourself losing 8lbs of fat since pool season is about to be in full swing.

But then the frustrations of work set in.  Your boss is a douche bag.  Your co-workers kiss up to him, and it’s annoying.

You stop thinking about your upcoming workout, and instead, the dreaded 62-minute commute into the job you hate.  But that’s OK.  You’re working on fixing that.

Now back to the workout at hand.  Your gym, or your backyard, is your safe haven.  It’s your get-away when you can’t get away.  You release all the negative toxins that have been smothering your soul all week.  It’s Thursday, and you know you have a meeting about the upcoming meeting… about the upcoming meeting.

It’s freakin’ silly.  It’s unproductive.  However, your workouts are not.

As you put on your favorite workout t-shirt (which is a Snoop-Doggy-Dogg shirt) and your black shorts, you start imagining how you’re going to release the hounds onto your workout.  You’re going to dominate each and every rep with every ounce of effort.  Each and every set will serve a purpose, however each rep will serve a different purpose.  Rep 1 is all about the boss.  Rep 2 is all about the meetings… and so on and so on…

On your 18th set, you find yourself fatigued.  You think you’re about done and wiped out.  You walk over to the water fountain, take 4 big sips, turn around, and finally lean on the wall.

Are you finished?  You think you are, but then the thoughts of the upcoming day start to infiltrate your mind.  So it comes down to this – the silly meetings or you win over your workout and thoughts.

Sure, you dig metabolic finishers.  But this time, you want to unleash your inner savage beast.  You want to use unconventional methods.  You want to walk that fine line of insanity and just being aggressive.

Insanity it is.

The prowler sits alone in the corner.  You’re in the so-called gym, but all the rats are on the treadmill watching hip-hop videos

Today's Weapon of Aggression

on MTV with a stoned face walking at 2.5 miles per hour.  You shake your head in disgust.  You take the prowler and push it 50 yards… and yes, you grunt.  You grunt really loud.  Who cares.

You grab the sandbag that you just made from Travis’s DIY Sandbag manual, and slam it on the ground.  Then you slam it again.  Then you pretend the sandbag is your boss.  Is that so wrong?  It can’t be.  It feels so right.

Next, you grab the kettlebell and start doing swings.  You feel your heart pumping through your arms legs, and even your fingers.  All the week’s stress and negativity start releasing through your body in the form of a hot waterfall of sweat.

All of a sudden, you feel invigorated.  You feel alive… and you’re only halfway through the hardcore finisher.  You pretend to stack the pile of unnecessary meetings back onto the prowler.  Then you push them another 30 yards.  You proceed to Prisoner Jump Squats, pretending to stomp on your desk at work with each and every rep.

You throw a sandbag on your shoulder.  You find yourself walking fast, and you have no idea how far you will go.  You have an idea, but your aggression and frustrations have other ideas… as in… why not go further?  Why not keep going until your spirit says “yes”, but finally, your body says, “No”.

"Much anger you have" - Yoda

Finally, what you thought would be optional, ends up being no option.  You have access to a sledge hammer, and you see a big tire sitting out back.  Why not?

You slam the tire as hard as you can, over and over until your arms begin to shake from exhaustion.  Then suddenly, you get a second wind and begin to slam it even harder.  You were planning on doing it for 30 seconds, but you end up beating the tire to death for a full minute.

You drop down for some close-grip pushups.  You plan to do 20, but you end up with 40.  It has nothing to do with your strength or endurance.  It was all mental.  Your mind literally performed each and every rep.

As you grab your final sips of water, you look over at the rats on the treadmill.  They are no longer watching the boring TV on their cute little cardio machine.  They are looking at you with fear and astonishment.  But deep inside, they are inspired and motivated to step out of their own comfort zones and follow suit and join you.

But it’s too late.  You left everything on the floor.  There’s nothing left, except the feeling of victory and knowing you stepped in, divided and conquered.

“I’m going to have an amazing day… whether I deal with douche bags or not.  I’ll see you later my metal friend” are the words that go through your head as you watch a drop of sweat fall down from the handle of the prowler that never gets used… until now.

You didn’t hit that snooze button this morning because you’re an action taker… thank goodness.

Mikey, CTT

Action Takers – click here

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Leave A Reply (4 comments so far)

  1. D
    12 years ago

    Hell Yeah. Just did that. Feels great. Off to smash the day. I love your finishers.

    • Mikey
      12 years ago

      That’s the spirit D! Thanks for the feedback – keep rocking.

  2. Shawna K
    12 years ago

    Mikey, my alarm goes off at 4:18, no snooze for me. Thanks for inspiration and awesome finishers.

    • Mikey
      12 years ago

      You’re welcome pullup queen! This was one of the most fun posts I’ve written in a while.