5 Random Rants

train with finishers

rantIt’s been a long time coming, but it’s time for my Rant 2.0.

This is some Friday tough love. It’s not going to be pretty, so if you’re easily offended (don’t worry, I don’t curse, but I will be blunt), go watch a chick flick and eat some Girl Scout Thin Mints. Speaking of which, that’s my first rant…

Rant # 1 – I Buy Them for the Kids

Stop. Just stop it. After training hundreds of clients 1-on-1, there was only ONE person that could have Girl Scout cookies in her house, yet only allow herself one cookie at night.

How did she do that? The world will never know. I think she is a Thin Mint Jedi, but guess what… you’re NOT one.

Donate $3, but tell them to keep the cookies. Why in the world would you waste your time and energy with the over-rated “will power”?

Don’t even keep them (or any other junk food you find tempting) in your house.

If I had a box of Thin Mints in the freezer, the box would be consumed within minutes. I would open the freezer, scream like a girl and eat up. That’s who I am…

… and it’s why I don’t allow them in my house.

And no, I don’t buy your “I get them for the kids” excuse.

Please STOP

Rant # 2 – You Buy Starbucks Coffee Almost Daily, But You Complain Healthy Food is Expensive?

I’m not even going to waste my time explaining this. Read the above again and then shake your own head in disbelief.

Now that you “get it”, Fix it TODAY.

Please STOP

Rant # 3 – I Read on the Internet That….

Ohhh, ohhhhhhhh! I didn’t realize you read it on the interwebz, where… you know… EVERYTHING is like… true and stuff.

No, you don’t need to eat 200 grams of protein a day to lose fat. You can do great eating between 70 – 120 grams a day.

No, one pound of muscle does not burn 50 calories a day. Seriously, if I gained 30 pounds of muscle, I would be able to burn an additional 1500 calories a day?

Daily stack of pancakes coming right up… NOT.

No, your workout didn’t count because you’re not sore. Look, I can stick a rake up my butt and you bet I’ll be sore. But that  doesn’t mean I had a great glute workout. C’mon.

Rant # 4 – I’m Too Old 

I’m in better shape now approaching 40 this year than I was in my 20’s.

Here I am at around age 25:


Here I am at the Fitness Business Summit about 3 weeks ago at the age of 39 (I really like this polo shirt… it makes me look jacked when I’m like… really not):


Need more proof? Meet my gal pal Shawna Kaminski, who can run circles around most 20-year olds. She’s 50. Boo-ya.


Rant # 5 – I Eat Like a Bird and Still Can’t Lose the Weight

When you plug in your calories using any of the gabillion free apps, does it say, “you’ve consumed a bird’s calories today”?

Oh, what’s that? You didn’t even track your food? OK, then you have no clue what the “holdup” is. It could be mindless snacking.  It could be your body doesn’t respond well to certain foods. Who knows.

The only way to find out is to track it. Track what you eat for a couple of weeks, then improve it from there.

This simple advice can be a life-changer, but yet, I see people roll their eyes when I tell them this. It’s absurd.

So PLEASE STOP complaining.

Happy Freakin’ Friday,

Mikey, Master CTT

PS – I only did this because I believe in YOU. This stuff can sting, but it’s the swift kick in the butt you needed, right? #Truth.

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